How to Talk to a Loved One About End-of-Life Planning
March 1, 2019
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Talking about death is never easy, but putting end-of-life arrangements in place before a loved one passes makes the process easier for everyone. The aging or ill person has the peace of knowing their loved ones are cared for and their wishes carried out, and surviving family can spend less time making end-of-life arrangements and more time grieving their cherished relative. Because it is a sensitive topic, it’s important to broach the conversation carefully. These tips will help you take a compassionate approach to discussing end-of-life arrangements.
Starting the Conversation
Due to the sensitivity of the topic, an end-of-life discussion should be limited to the people closest to the aging or ill person. Generally, that includes a spouse and next-of-kin. Have the conversation in a comfortable place, such as the family home or a neighborhood park. Rather than spring the conversation on your loved one, set a time to talk. This gives everyone time to collect their thoughts and broach the topic rationally rather than emotionally.
If your loved one is hesitant to talk about their passing, discuss the benefits of having the conversation. When end-of-life arrangements are made in advance, their death and funeral can be carried out the way they choose. It also allows family to focus on comforting the loved one prior to passing rather than worrying about logistics.
Ideally, conversations about end-of-life planning should be held well before death seems imminent. That way, it doesn’t feel like saying goodbye; rather, the focus is on planning for the future.
Topics to Discuss
There’s a lot to discuss in a conversation about end-of-life planning. It may be helpful to break it up into two conversations, one addressing the legal aspects and another for financial and personal affairs.
Financial Planning and Insurance
Not everyone is financially prepared for the realities of aging or terminal illness. Talk to your loved one about their financial resources to determine if they’re able to pay for their medical and living expenses for the remainder of their life. Talk about how they envision living out their remaining years, such as if they want to age in place or move to a care facility, as well as their preferences for funeral arrangements.
If your loved one’s financial resources don’t match their desires, discuss how you can close the gap. Funeral insurance can be a great option for seniors to set aside money for not only their funerals, but other final expenses as well, such as outstanding legal or medical bills. Rates increase for older applicants, so the sooner you look into one of these plans, the better.
If the difference between their ideal final arrangements and financial means is small, another options is settling a life insurance policy. Because older adults generally don’t have dependents other than a spouse, a life insurance policy is less important than when they were younger. Selling the policy frees up funds to pay for funeral arrangements and other end-of-life expenses. Not only do policyholders receive a payout, but they’re also no longer beholden to premium payments. If the gap is significant, however, that may mean selling their home in favor of a more affordable residence or moving in with family.
Living Situation
Once the finances are discussed, have your loved one elaborate on their desired living arrangement. If, for example, they choose to remain at home, you’ll need to formulate a plan to ensure the environment is more suitable for hospice care. When that time comes, make sure you obtain the necessary medical equipment and that there is plenty of space for the items in the home. Also, when it comes to a caregiver in the home, consider the possibility that you’ll need to create a space in the house designated just for them.
Legal Planning
Find out if your parents have a will. As Merrill Edge explains, a will details a person’s wishes for their assets upon death. Even if your loved one has limited financial assets, it’s important to have a will in place. In addition to naming beneficiaries, a will designates an executor who will handle the deceased’s affairs and carry out the wishes stated in the will. Without a will in place, a court makes these decisions on the deceased’s behalf.
Reader’s Digest advises there are two additional documents everyone should have for end-of-life planning: an advance directive (or living will) and durable power of attorney. An advance directive spells out the extent of care a person is willing to accept in their final stages of life, while a durable power of attorney names a person to make healthcare decisions on their behalf if they’re unable.
If your loved one lacks a will, advance directive, or power of attorney, discuss setting an appointment with a lawyer to create these important legal documents.
Talking about end-of-life planning is emotionally difficult. If your loved one starts to appear overwhelmed at any point during the conversation, table it and revisit the discussion another time. However, don’t let the subject go completely. As tough as it is, getting your loved one’s affairs in place now saves everyone stress and heartache in the long run.
